By Elvira Kesoglou, Supervising Counsellor, Right There
“There is no single sign that tells us somebody is suicidal, and people can experience suicidal thoughts without showing obvious warning signs.”
“Recognizing signs is important, but feeling able to have the conversation matters just as much.”
If you need immediate support, contact Samaritans on 116 123, free of charge, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you believe that you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or attend your nearest A&E department.
As a counsellor, I spend much of my time talking to people who are experiencing some of the most difficult periods of their lives.
World Suicide Prevention Day is an opportunity to have honest conversations about suicide and suicidal thoughts, which remain surrounded by misunderstanding and stigma despite affecting far more people than many of us realise.
One of the things people often tell me is that they feel completely alone in what they are experiencing. By the time someone reaches a point where they are contemplating suicide, they may feel overwhelmed by their circumstances and unable to see a way forward. Feelings of hopelessness, isolation, shame and exhaustion can become so overwhelming that it becomes difficult to imagine things ever improving.
What strikes me most is that many people believe nobody else could possibly understand what they are going through. They may be reluctant to tell family or friends how they are feeling because they fear being judged, dismissed or becoming a burden to those around them.
Friends and family may care deeply and want to help but don’t realise the extent of what someone is carrying, particularly when distress is kept hidden. Creating opportunities to talk openly about suicidal thoughts can help bridge the gap and make it easier for someone to feel seen, understood and supported.
Seeking help is often one of the most difficult steps to take, but it can also be one of the most important. Whether that support comes from a trusted friend, a family member, a GP, a counsellor or a specialist service, talking openly about how you are feeling can help break the sense of isolation that so often accompanies suicidal thoughts. While reaching out does not make problems disappear overnight, it can help people access the support, understanding and practical help they need to move forward.
World Suicide Prevention Day is also a reminder that we all have a role to play in noticing changes in people around us. Suicidal distress is not always expressed directly. Someone may begin to withdraw, cancel plans, stop responding to messages or become increasingly isolated from friends and family. For some people, this withdrawal can be connected to feeling like a burden – believing that others would be better off without them, that they are causing problems for people they care about, or that they are no longer important. When someone pulls away, it can be easy to interpret this as them wanting space or no longer wanting contact. But if people then stop reaching out, this can unintentionally reinforce the very beliefs they may already be struggling with.
There is no single sign that tells us somebody is suicidal, and people can experience suicidal thoughts without showing obvious warning signs. What is often more important is noticing changes from how that person usually is. This might include withdrawing from others, becoming difficult to reach, appearing increasingly hopeless or distressed, changes in sleep or self-care, and increased alcohol or drug use.
Recognizing signs is important, but feeling able to have the conversation matters just as much. Many people worry that asking directly about suicide will upset somebody or put the idea into their head. If you are concerned, it is okay to acknowledge that you have noticed that they don’t seem themselves recently and that you are worried about them. Asking directly, without judgement, if they are having thoughts of suicide can give someone permission to talk about something they may have been carrying alone.
You do not need to be a therapist or have the perfect words. Listen, take what they tell you seriously and respond with empathy rather than trying to solve the problem. It is also worth familiarising yourself with what support is available so that, if somebody does tell you they are suicidal, you know where you can help them turn next. Supporting someone does not mean taking responsibility for keeping them safe on your own; it means staying connected, helping them access appropriate support and seeking urgent help if there is immediate danger.
Above all, I would encourage anyone who is struggling not to carry those feelings alone, and anyone who is worried about somebody else not to let fear of getting it wrong prevent them from reaching out. A conversation cannot solve every problem, but it can be the first step towards somebody getting the support they need.
